The Communion of Saints and Sinners (or His Catholic Guilt is Beginning to Rub Off on Me)

My purpose for accessing the SRT is to build a series of stories that I can express visually. A possibility seemed to come to me during my first walk on the trail. I had no idea how far I had come, although it was a very short distance, and didn't want to go farther than my new knees could take me back.

I thought I found my image at the first street crossing. A stop sign on the trail. Stop. Meaning, me. Stop here. Don't go any further. I walked to the sign, peered both ways down the street, looked across it into the woods to see what the trail might have in store ahead.

I took the trail's advice that day. I accepted the limit. I stopped and went home to share the good news that I had walked about a mile total. My husband knew that was indeed cause to celebrate after years of forced inactivity.

Celebrate, I did. All the way to the grocery store where I bought a cake from their bakery. I had two pieces that night. And, then, the story truly began to tell itself, as it always does.

For the rest of the night I envisioned myself walking that mile, carrying that cake, arms outstretched in front of me, loaded with the full weight of the cake, after just a quarter mile, a half mile, an entire mile.

I see it on the next walk I take, too, feeling the missing slices now hanging off my belly, my thighs, my legs. Gradually its weight slips down my legs, adding a greater burden to my already overloaded feet. No matter what I do, the damn cake won't go away.

A friend of mine who was raised as a Roman Catholic once told me that everything in the Catholic church is Forbidden until it is Required. Somehow I understand the kind of logic it takes to believe that. The story isn't about the limits I accept. It's still about the limits I ignore until I have to pay attention.

Next week is my 60th birthday. I no longer need to hear "Happy Birthday" sung badly by the wait staff in a neighborhood restaurant. I think a long hike to a nice Gregorian chant of "Cupcake, cupcake" would be more appropriate. It is about time it is Required.