The Tatt2ed Lady

I said the experience of getting a tattoo was another story in itself. First of all, I arrived at an immaculate tattoo "place" because I am really too old to think of myself in a tattoo parlor. There were several women customers, but no men other than the two who worked there. They turned out to be Christian tattoo artists, something I didn't even know existed, and every visible space on their bodies was covered with ink.

Honestly, on a stack of Bibles, I was the only woman there who wasn't getting a man's name covered up. I made an immediate mental note not to put my husband's name on my body unless it was with a washable marker. He would understand.

I was also the oldest woman there, certainly the only one paying for her tattoo with her retirement income. That was comforting, as if I had considered carefully for half a century that the pros outweighed the cons and decided this would somehow actually make the world a better place.

Although I knew I wanted a tatto of a dogwood blossom, Gentleman #1 graciously showed me several albums of photos of their work. They had page after page of every image, word and phrase under the sun. I didn't really expect to see where they had put them on both male and female body parts, but it turned out to be a complete lesson in anatomy.

In fact, I've never seen so many images of Jesus, not even in the church where I grew up. Jesus with crosses, Jesus on crosses, Jesus with eagles, Jesus with roses, Jesus with swastikas, Jesus with American flags, Jesus with Confederate flags. I was surprised to turn a page to find a photo of a man's bare buttocks sporting a drawing of a buxom nude woman with a picture of Jesus' face on the opposite page. I couldn't help but wonder about Jesus' reaction when they inserted his picture in the acrylic page protector and closed the book for the first time. Was it heaven or a new period of temptation in the wilderness?

My turn came quickly enough and I met Gentleman #2 who would actually do my tattoo. Indeed, they were both gentlemen and I had a wonderful time talking and laughing with the two of them as the needle hummed against my leg. It wasn't painful and I was grateful that I had chosen my calf to be so adorned. My criteria were simple - it had to be in a place where I could see it, it had to be in a place with no cellulite, and it had to be in place where I could easily cover it if I was afraid to show it to my mother. That didn't leave me with many options.

As my tattoo was being completed, another young woman came into the front room. I caught snippets of her story about her family still treating her like a child and heard the words "independence" and "konji" a time or two. It all came together when Gentleman #1 declared loudly in a thick Southern drawl, "But, darling, your family can't read 'independence' if it's in Japanese!" Another mental note to myself - no text at all and no foreign languages.

I drove home $50 poorer but wiser for the experience. My husband laughed, my children were surprised that I actually went through with it, and our closest friends came by to marvel at my tattoo that night. I haven't regretted it and don't think I ever will. And, unlike tortilla chips, one is enough.

Big Floweredy Dresses

My sister and I made our first trip to California together, two undeniably Southern women in our fifties, expecting to be swaddled in the messages that we remembered as teens from the 1960’s.

My sister couldn’t wait to mingle with the hippies that she was certain would be evident on every block in Berkeley. She says she saw them – but I saw linen, khaki, shoes you wear to walk to work, people with the good sense to dress comfortably.
The two of us, however, were dressed in big floweredy dresses, the kind women our age wear all over the South. I’m talking flowers the size of dinner plates - bright reds, blues, yellows, and oranges, all splashed onto the same wearable canvas. Nothing in Berkeley was blooming as loudly as we were.

In the South, when you see women our age enter a room with bold colors and patterns, it sends a message. Not the same message as “tacky” which requires a sense of style cultivated over a lifetime and a “bless your heart” level of condescension. Just look at the jewelry my mother wears to go to the grocery store.

But, you can expect boldly dressed women to speak up freely and often. At home, at least one woman would have rushed over to me on the street to ask, “Where did you get that beautiful floweredy dress? I’ve been looking for something just like that to wear for jury duty next week.” A middle-aged Southern woman wearing a loud dress would never have a problem being the lone holdout on a hung jury.

The obvious statements I did find in Berkeley were on the T-shirts sold by the street vendors. For months after my return, my husband drove around Greenville, SC, with his souvenir shirt that read, “Born OK the first time.” Lord knows what that man will have to say when I get home after my next trip.